Fresh out of high school, excited for what God had planned, and ready to get started, I began my Freshman year with a double major in Broadcasting and Business Management (the latter to make my parents -- who wisely insisted on a fall-back plan -- happy). By the time I actually left college (not graduated -- a story, perhaps, for another time), I had spent much of my time in video production, film studies, journalism, writing, and, yes, radio. My experiences were as varied as could be for a mediaphile. I had gotten married, interned with a film company, and had decided my career would not, in fact, be in radio, but in film and video production.
I mention this, because looking back on it now, I see that God had given me my original passion and that I -- and not He -- moved in a different direction. A fickle race, mankind.
And of course, when it came to doing things my own way, I failed. Often. After multiple part-time and temporary jobs, and after failing to pull the video production job into a permanent, full-time position, it still took a long time for me to get the hint.
But let's not get ahead of ourselves. My wife had, at some point during all this, gotten pregnant. I still couldn't find a solid, full-time job, and, once the kids came, we thought we needed a bigger place. We found what we thought was perfect -- until the landlord decided, six months into our stay, that he wanted his daughter to live there. Now we had two kids, little money, and soon, no home. We did what you do in those situations: we went to family.
We moved in with my wife's family in Northern New York. Then, once his rental property opened up, we took up residence there as her father's tenants. We got jobs, the two of us, almost right away after moving out there. Well, part-time jobs in retail. But it was work.
A few years after moving, my Father-in-law found an ad in the local paper: a small country radio station was hiring. No experience necessary. I actually HAD experience -- AND education. I applied, and was more or less hired immediately. It didn't pay a lot, but it made me happy, and I kept my part-time job to make ends meet. More importantly, I believe now, it was God's way of getting me back on track for His plan.
Making a long story short, after a couple years there, I was hired into a larger station, where I worked another three, before finally being brought back into Christian radio where, I suspect, God wanted me all along.
Here's the thing with God. When you seek His will, ultimately you will find it. When you fall short of seeking God's will, He will put you into a place where, as Rich Mullins sang, You're lost enough to let yourself be led.
I spent a good chunk of my adult life depressed and unsatisfied. Ashamed of my failure to provide for my family. Even more ashamed that I knew, ultimately, I wasn't doing what God wanted me to do. But as I look back, I see something amazing: even though I forgot about God's will, He did not. And, when I was ready to ask Him, He had already laid the groundwork to put me back on His path.
Matthew 6:31-33
So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
I have learned, through my own errors in life, by the side of a patient and understanding wife, under the watchful eye of a loving God, that a life lived outside of His will is a life unfulfilled. I'm not going to pretend everything will be perfect here on Earth as long as we do what God says; but I know it's a better life knowing that I'm walking the path laid out by the creator of the Universe. I won't pretend to know what's up ahead, but God does. And that's good enough for me.
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